The following is from the book, “Out of Touch: How to survive an intimacy famine” written by Michelle Drouin, PhD, research scientist, Parkview Mirro Center for Research and Innovation. Michelle is a published author with expertise in psychology, information technology, communication and medicine. In this excerpt, Michelle summarizes fresh concepts for regaining ourselves after stepping past the pandemic, acknowledging that its effects are still very much upon us.
Surviving in the wake of the pandemic
Survival tip #1
Pandemic losses are not all tangible. Certainly, some people lost money. Some people lost jobs. Some lost people they loved. But almost all of us lost less tangible things, like time, opportunity, and hope. It’s really easy to see the tangible losses, but the others are not as visible. Reflect on what you lost and encourage the people in your social spheres to do the same. Only then can we properly mourn our losses, heal, and move on.
Survival tip #2
Depending on where you are in your life, the pandemic might have hit you in a different way. For some of us it was a soft tap, and for others it was a devastating blow. Don’t compare your experience to anyone else’s. Comparative grief is nonproductive. Some people prospered. Others suffered excruciating losses of people, jobs, and moments they cherished. Validate both the gains and setbacks. There is no way to rewind the clock. We all must trudge forward. But some of us will be taking postpandemic steps with heavier crosses to bear. Don’t expect anyone to move at your pace.
Survival tip #3
You control how you fill your voids. You can choose to do so with food and alcohol, or you can listen to your body about what you really need. Is it affection? Is it the warmth of another body? Company? If so, humans are not the only sources of connection. Pets can provide similar feelings of warmth and affection, and for many, are valued members of their family. If you’re feeling lonely, consider petting or talking to a pet. If you don’t own a pet, visit a shelter or take the neighbor’s dog for a walk.
Survival tip #4
Hug people. If someone needs social support, hug them. If someone doesn’t need social support, hug them. If you are hesitant about their comfort level, ask simply, “Can I give you a hug?” Aim for one hug a day of at least twenty seconds, and work up to three per day as you gain more confidence and it becomes part of your way of life. Wrapping your arms around someone else’s body in a (consensual) warm embrace might give you both more resilience and a healthier life.
Survival tip #5
Acknowledge that touch is a basic human need. You are not weak if you need it nor indulgent if you seek it. Massages and cuddles are not just for those in pain or touch deprived. In fact, they might be the secret to better physical and mental health, even for those of us who are already healthy. Open yourself up to new touch experiences and try to surrender to the moments. In a world in which massage therapy is affordable and cuddle parties exist, there is no reason for people to be deprived of physical touch.
Survival tip #6
After the Persian Gulf War, a US special task force was appointed to examine how to deal with the stressors of war and challenges of reintegrating soldiers back into their families. One of its most practical pieces of advice was to set small goals, disentangle the parts of the problem, and reward yourself for small victories. As you are still adjusting to the postpandemic world, take stock of your losses (physical, economic, and psychological), and aim for a slow reintegration back into your social and work life. Focus on one step at a time. Give yourself time to adjust. And reward yourself handsomely for each step. You have already survived; now is the time to thrive.
Bonus technology tip
Technology was a connector, refuge, and even lifeline for most of us during the pandemic. We learned new ways of learning and interacting, and developed routines around technology use that were necessary and beneficial. Keep those and use them to grow. Postpandemic, however, we must also make attempts reengage with our physical world in intimate spaces with meaningful others. This shift may feel unfamiliar and even scary. Give yourself grace as you move forward.
