This post was written by Tim O’Sullivan, MA, Spiritual and Social Services Supervisor, Parkview Hospice.
In planning for a traditional, post-death funeral, people with life-limiting health conditions often find themselves helping loved ones with the preparations for their funeral. They assist with decisions regarding the funeral home, the music, the speakers, the meal and other aspects of the ceremony, all with an understanding that they won't actively participate in the day.
Rather than planning services after they pass and miss out on a gathering of the people who are most precious to them, some are choosing to schedule a "funeral" while they are still living so they can be a part of the ceremony. These events are known as Living Funerals.
As a hospice caregiver, I have seen a rise in the number of these pre-death celebrations of life. While this may not be for everyone, it can be a meaningful experience for those who have chosen to remember a life in this way. I was invited to one of these events and witnessed firsthand the power of acknowledging death while fully living in the moment.
Jason’s final gathering
My friend, Jason, had received a stage IV cancer diagnosis about a year earlier. He decided to pursue various therapies that could potentially extend his life. It was clear, however, after several rounds of these treatments, that his body was struggling to keep up. This once energetic and independent man had lost the glimmer in his eye and was more dependent on others than he ever wanted to be. Jason made the difficult decision to stop treatment and, with the help of a hospice team, live the remainder of his days comfortably.
Jason valued his connections with others most in life and wanted time to spend with each loved one. His wife enlisted the help of their pastor and church community to plan a living funeral, with a party to follow. On that day, his pastor led a service during which Jason's many loved ones shared their favorite memories and expressed their love for him. Throughout the reception, Jason made his way around to each table, letting everyone know just how important they had been to him. There was a lot of laughter and many tears, but the glimmer that had faded away from Jason's eyes earlier in the year was back and on full display.
Shortly after Jason's death, his family held a brief graveside interment ceremony to mark the moment, knowing that the most important celebration of his days on earth took place while he still had life to live.
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For those facing a terminal illness, finding ways to celebrate their legacy while still present can bring comfort and closure to both the individual and their loved ones. While some may find peace in a living funeral, others may prefer a quieter way to reflect and connect. Above all, it's essential to honor what feels right for the individual at the heart of this gesture.
At Parkview, our Chaplaincy, Hospice and Palliative Care teams are here to offer guidance to individuals and loved ones who are navigating these decisions.
For more information about Hospice and Palliative care services or a patient referral to Parkview Hospice, please call 260-368-5111 or 260-368-5146. You can also complete our online form here.
