This post was written by Nicholas Yergens, LMHCA, Park Center therapist.
Some of you may have discovered this post after asking (perhaps searching online), “Should I be concerned about my child’s eating habits?” or “What should I do if I think my teenager may have an eating disorder?” You know your child best and should trust your instinct whenever you feel something is wrong. Here are some things to watch for with your teen and tips for starting a conversation about their eating patterns and habits.
Warning signs
If you think your child may have an eating disorder, a good place to start is by paying closer attention to anything that is not “normal” for your child. If you’ve noticed any of the behaviors listed below, and there are no solid explanations, it could indicate a problem with their eating habits.
Changes that could trigger concern, include:
- Weight loss
- Lack of weight gain or lack of growth
- Eating smaller amounts of food or skipping meals
- Becoming hyper-focused on exercising
- Being preoccupied with body image
- Dieting
- Self-induced vomiting/purging (outside of an illness)
- Binge eating
- Spending more time on social media and comparing themselves to others
- Females whose menstrual cycle has stopped (if they are not on hormone blockers or birth control
While young people who have taken an interest in what they put into their bodies are not inherently concerning, it becomes problematic when they have minimal to no flexibility in eating outside of their limited selection.
Is weight loss concerning?
Weight loss is an all-too-common sign of an eating disorder. There are, of course, exceptions, but healthy children and adolescents should not lose weight or weigh outside of their expected growth trajectory. Weight loss, failure to thrive or not gaining weight are signs that your child may not be eating as they should. This is especially concerning for those engaged in rigorous sports or activities whose bodies demand a lot from them.
Thankfully, you and your child’s pediatrician can look for clues through their growth chart, which plots out expected height and weight as they develop. The pediatrician can evaluate your child’s progress and provide advice on whether their weight loss is concerning enough to warrant a conversation or other action.
How to start a conversation
There is no perfect way to approach your child about your concerns for their eating patterns that will not cause some level of discomfort. It’s normal for your teenager to dismiss your concerns or become upset when you start broaching the topic. But it’s important to remember that this conversation must happen if you are concerned about a potential eating disorder. Here are some tips that may help you speak with your teen.
- Approach your child with open ears and arms. It’s important to offer a safe space for your teen where they feel like they can talk with you openly. If you’ve noticed that your previous attempts to encourage them to add more to their plate, join you for meals or grab something to eat were met with refusal or anger, it’s especially important to be a good listener during this conversation.
- Express your concerns. Instead of making blanket statements, it may be helpful to name something specific that you’ve noticed to be a problem that you can focus on. For example, “I have noticed that you seem to be eating less than normal. This concerns me because you do not seem like yourself.”
- Ask questions. You don’t want your child to feel like this is a one-sided conversation. Ask them questions such as “Can we please talk more about my concerns?” or “Can I please help you with whatever is going on?” Their response may not be what you hope for and they may not believe that a problem exists. However, you have now opened up the door for further conversation.
- Be persistent. Eating disorders are serious medical conditions that require intensive treatment to prevent long term physical harm — especially for developing adolescents. Be persistent and don’t give up! Continue to express your concerns and ask your child important questions about their eating habits and how you can support them.
What to do next
If you suspect your child has an eating disorder, you may want to utilize the SCOFF Questionnaire, a screening tool used to detect eating disorders. It includes five questions that you can ask your teen:
- SICK: “Do you make yourself sick because you feel uncomfortably full?”
- CONTROL: “Do you worry you have lost control over how much you eat?”
- ONE: “Have you recently lost more than one stone (14 pounds) in a 3-month period?”
- FAT: “Do you believe you are fat when others say you are too thin?”
- FOOD: “Would you say that food dominates your life?”
If your child answers yes to two or more of these questions, they should be referred for thorough eating disorder assessment.
Suspicion of an eating disorder should always be taken seriously. Remember to look for signs in your child or teen, start an important conversation around the topic with them and then discuss any concerns you may have with their medical provider.
