This post was written by Lauren Tait, Peak Performance coach, Parkview Sports Medicine.
What would life be without loss? Would it be sweeter, knowing that we can conquer everything? Perhaps only after we’ve lost once or twice can we truly appreciate how sweet victories can be. Some people never get to taste defeat; not because they achieve everything, but because they have never tried. These people may lack the ability to grow because their fear of loss is too great.
To the athlete, who lost
Put simply, losing is only the outcome of one situation, despite how it may seem. To win is the same; it’s simply the outcome of one situation. Not to slight the honor in victory or the sting of defeat, but after the competition is over, the person you have become is what matters far more. The person who went through all of the training, all of the sleepless nights and all of the sacrifice to better yourself. Regardless of the result of the match, game or competition, the person you have become is greater than the person you were before. This is the true victory.
I have been a wrestler most of my life. I have tasted great victories and I have suffered great defeats. In my senior year of high school, I made it to the state finals for the first time in my career. The summer before, I trained harder than I ever had, and throughout the season I made it my No. 1 goal to become a state champion. In the years prior, there weren’t many people who believed that I could do it, but their opinions did not dictate my future. I trained like a champion and I finally made it to the state finals. I wrestled hard, but I lost the match. I cried and I felt crushed. I was embarrassed and ashamed, and I didn’t want to show my face to anyone.
At the time, I swore that feeling would stick with me for the rest of my life, and I wasn’t completely wrong. Five years later and an entire collegiate career behind me, I still remember those emotions. Although they have less of a grip on me than I thought they would. Though I suffered a great loss that day, I am thoroughly happy with the person I have become because of my dedication to my goal. I wouldn’t change what happened for the world. The fire it lit within me and the growth I made because of it are likely far greater than they would have been if I had won.
The biggest lesson to learn from this loss is that we will not win in everything that we do; it’s impossible. Even those with undefeated records have lost in the past. A great message to hold dear, especially in times of hardship, is this: The champions are not those who never lose, the champions are those who never quit. Though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.
So, if you find yourself suffering a great loss in your sport, in the classroom or in life, don’t look back and live in that moment, as hard as it may be. Forgive yourself, set more goals and move forward. Take that experience and learn from it. It sounds cliche, but it’s the truth. There is no use in burdening yourself with wondering what could have been or beating yourself up because things didn’t go how you thought they would. You cannot change the past. All you can do is work to better your future.
Dive into your next challenge, be excited to try again, and surround yourself with those who want to see you be victorious. However, I beg of you, do not forget that pain. Do not forget that feeling of defeat. Don’t let it weigh you down and hurt you, but remember what it felt like; so that the next time you are faced with a great challenge you remember what defeat felt like, and fight. Fight to make sure it does not happen again. Eventually, you will see victory, and when you do, remember what that feels like, too.
To the parents, whose child lost
The best thing you can do is keep supporting your child. Love them unconditionally and let them know how proud you are of them. Congratulate them for putting in the effort and impart wisdom to them that helps them look up and out to the next thing, instead of focusing on the moment.
Guide them and welcome them just as openly as you would if they had won in a perfect victory. Mourn with them, show them that you care about their pain and treat them how you would want to be treated. The child may not appreciate it in the moment, but in the future they will be more grateful than you can imagine.
