This post was written by Rachel Lilly, PhD, HSPP, NCSP, PPG – Psychiatry.
The start of the school year brings supply shopping, coordinating schedules, waking up earlier, and, for many, anxiety. While back-to-school anxiety is a very normal experience, it can be uncomfortable and difficult to navigate. Both students and parents can feel the increased stress of returning to more structured routines, meeting new people and increased workloads. Families may benefit from the following strategies when packing up those bookbags and heading out the door this fall.
Remember, anxiety is normal. Anxiety is our brain’s way of trying to prepare us for what is to come (our brains just do too good of a job sometimes). Normalizing anxiety for kids can be helpful – they are certainly not alone. Explaining that even though they may not see others’ anxieties does not mean others are not feeling them.
Encourage open conversation and acknowledge feelings. We all cope with anxiety and stress in different ways. Parents can ask open-ended and non-directive questions about how their children feel about the new school year. As parents, we often want to go into “problem-solver” mode for our kids by offering advice, but often kids just want to be heard. Simple acknowledgments such as, “Yeah, it sounds like you’re feeling pretty nervous about the school year. Do you want to talk about it?” can be helpful.
Teach and model coping strategies. Kids learn by what they see trusted adults modeling, and coping with anxiety is no exception. The following strategies are a few starting points for parents to use, teach and model with kids.
Square breathing. Find a square or a rectangle (e.g., door, computer screen, etc.). Starting in the lower left corner, trace up the side of the square while breathing in slowly through your nose. Then, trace along the top of the square while holding that breath in. Next, trace down the side of the square, breathing out slowly through your mouth. Finally, trace across the bottom of the square while holding that breath out. And repeat as needed.
Progressive muscle relaxation. Starting with the facial muscles, tense/tighten your muscles for about 5-7 seconds and then purposefully relax those muscles. Then, move to your shoulder muscles, doing the same thing. Progress slowly and intentionally down through each muscle group in your body.
Imagery. Imagine a relaxing or calming environment (e.g., beach, the woods, etc.). Close your eyes and imagine you are in this relaxing environment by moving through each of your senses. What would you be seeing (hearing, touching, tasting, and smelling) in this environment?
Encourage positive self-talk. It can be helpful to have go-to mantras or small phrases for kids to use as they head out the door on the first day. Encourage children to develop their own phrases, such as “I can do this” or “I loved school last year.”
Avoid avoidance. Seeing your child distressed can be one of the most difficult things. For some families, there may be the urge to keep children home “just for one day” because of nerves and anxiety. This can be, however, one of the more difficult patterns to break. Just like diving into a cold swimming pool can be uncomfortable until we stay in the pool and warm up, “diving into” the start of school can be daunting. But if we take a deep breath and jump in, we eventually get used to things and enjoy ourselves.
Seek professional help if concerns persist or are significant. Talk to your child’s pediatrician or family doctor about concerns if anxiety and/or school avoidance persist. You can also address concerns with the school guidance counselor, school psychologist and/or principal.
If you want help establishing care for your child, our Access Center can help. Call 877-774-8632 for assistance.
